Family Specialist

My goal as a Family Specialist is to offer neutral support for children's healthy relationships with both parents and family relationships as a whole. I strive to educate, support, and encourage positive problem solving and reduce unproductive conflict. 

What is a Family Specialist?

A Family Specialist is a Licensed Mental Health Professional with specialized training and experience in child development, family systems, Collaborative Divorce, interdisciplinary teams, understanding based negotiations, and working with children and families in the context of divorce.

When is a Family Specialist Used?

Typically, a Family Specialist is one of the professionals hired when a couple is doing a Collaborative Divorce. However a Family Specialist can also be used independently of a Collaborative Divorce so in other words, you don't have to be in a Collaborative Divorce process to use Family Specialist services. When I am not working on a Collaborative Divorce team, I may expand my role to take on mediation tasks as long as it fits within my skills and area of experience.

For the majority of children who experience their parents separating/divorcing, the effects are modest and relatively short-lived (1). Within two years of a separation, the majority of parents regain their equilibrium, establish polite but distant communication with their ex-partner, and their children, in turn, adapt to the new living arrangements. Most children report painful feelings about their parents’ divorce, and a significant minority of children suffer extended and prolonged symptomatology related to parental divorce that may include both internalizing and externalizing problems (2). My goal is to minimizes chances of extended and prolonged suffering, help ease these painful transitions, and speed up the time where parents can work collaboratively with one another and have a healthy, flexible, respectful co-parenting relationship.

Divorce itself is not what harms children. The most harmful part of divorce for children is high levels of conflict and distress. Studies have found that family conflict hurts children more than divorce or even parental death.

Collaboration

I  am not a legal professional and while I guide discussions on issues including legal issues, I do not draft legal documents or provide legal advice. In a Collaborative Divorce, my feedback to the divorce attorneys and other divorce professionals provides information from the child’s point of view to be taken into consideration when working on a parenting plan. The observations shared with the parents are solution-oriented and not judgmental. The work with me as a Family Specialist in a Collaborative Divorce case is not admissible in court, in the event the case does not settle. The information may help the parents make better decisions and/or validate that they are proceeding in the right direction. The feedback empowers parents to reach an agreement. It helps keep parents focused on what is most important, working from common ground regarding the needs of the children (to include financial issues) and can help shift disagreements to a settlement. Parents can ask me to write notes and I typically fill out a working “Parenting Plan” document that are shared with both parents to help document progress on decision making but that does not make them legal agreements. Parents if in agreement can take the notes and worksheets to have them legally drafted and submitted, but if they are not in agreement, the coparenting contract protects from information being used outside of the process.

The Family Specialist functions as a neutral to bring the voice of the children into the process.

As a Family Specialist, I…

• focus parents on the immediate developmental needs of their children;

• help parents develop a narrative to tell their children about divorce and explain it in a way that is developmentally appropriate for their children;

• help parents look beyond divorce and envision their children’s lives into the future;

• teach and facilitate productive parenting discussions, even about difficult issues and differences

• teach parents about parenting through the crisis of divorce and creates a structure for healthy and effective co-parenting into the future.

How are children involved in the process?

While working with me as a Family Specialist, the focus is on the needs and interests of the children. I will meet with each child at least once and when needed and appropriate, I encourage the child to express themselves in voicing thoughts, feelings, and concerns and ensures a private setting for the child to ask questions, express needs, and address problems relating to divorce. Giving the children a voice empowers the children to express themselves and talk about the divorce and process through anything they are struggling through. In return, they receive support and comfort and clarification about changes in their family and their lives. When meeting with a child, I am assessing the level of functioning and adjustment to the separation/divorce. It also helps me gain a significant amount of information about the family dynamics. I will let your child know that their feedback is not confidential but will be relayed in a manner that should be useful and not offensive to the parents. After assessing the child’s needs and concerns, I report back to the collaborative team. Throughout negotiations, I keep both parents and all members of the team focused on the well being of each child. I can help in writing a co-parenting plan, give the child tools and strategies to navigate the transition, and provide feedback.

Divorce itself is not what harms children. The most harmful part of divorce for children is high levels of conflict and distress. Studies have found that family conflict hurts children more than divorce or even parental death.

Issues down the road…

If issues arise at a later date, there is the option of resuming the Collaborative Process and working through the new facts and issues in a similar manner. When a settlement is reached, the parents are more likely to return to the same process and professionals to assist with a modification when needed, because they already have a level of comfort with the professionals and with a process where all the family members have a voice.

The settlement can include a schedule for time with the children and also address many other co-parenting topics in a parenting plan that might otherwise not be addressed if the matter was decided by a judge. When the parties are able to settle, they avoid the costs (in time and money) of protracted negotiations and/or litigation. With the help of a Family Specialist and Collaborative Divorce team, the parties are more like to reach a settlement that stands the test of time (3).

Rates

I have a free 10-15 minute consult where I meet with both parents to cover any questions you may have about the process.

I charge $160/hour.

Next steps

If you are a potential new client, you can contact me in whatever way you’d prefer…

• Email: amanda@amandapikala.com

• Phone: (651) 216-5309

• Form provided below

I will get back to you quickly to set up a free consult to discuss next steps and answer any questions you have.